By Damian Doyle, Head of Secondary Educational Technology and Digital Wellbeing
Social media and online gaming are now deeply embedded in everyday life. For children and young people, these platforms can offer opportunities for creativity, connection, learning and enjoyment. At the same time, they are built using sophisticated psychological and technological systems designed to capture attention, influence behaviour and encourage prolonged engagement. Understanding how these systems work is essential for families seeking to support healthy digital habits.
What Do We Mean by Social Media?
Social media is primarily focused on sharing content, while social networking centres on communication between individuals and groups. Over time, these distinctions have blurred as platforms evolved from simple connection tools into complex, algorithm-driven ecosystems. Early social platforms prioritised chronological feeds and personal updates; modern platforms prioritise engagement, personalisation, and monetisation.
Most platforms operate under terms and conditions that give companies broad rights over user-generated content. Content can be removed without warning, accounts can be deleted, and images, videos, names and voices may be reused for marketing or promotional purposes without compensation. Even deleted content may persist if it has been shared elsewhere. These rules can change at any time, placing the responsibility on users to adapt or disengage.
The Psychology Behind Social Media Use
The way people interact with social media is not accidental. Platforms rely heavily on principles from neuroscience and behavioural psychology, particularly variable reward schedules. Likes, comments, and notifications are delivered unpredictably, encouraging users to check repeatedly in anticipation of social validation.
This system taps into fundamental human needs such as belonging, approval and connection. Over time, impulse control can weaken, especially for children and teenagers whose brains are still developing. Personalised feeds amplify emotionally charged content, often provoking outrage, fear or anger. While this increases engagement, it can also contribute to stress, exhaustion, reduced empathy and polarisation.
Understanding that these responses are designed rather than personal shortcomings can help families approach social media use with greater clarity and compassion.
Encouraging Healthier Social Media Habits
Supporting healthy digital behaviour starts with open conversations. Explaining how platforms are designed helps children understand that strong emotional reactions are not a personal failure, but a predictable outcome of persuasive technology.
Practical approaches include modelling balanced phone use, setting clear boundaries around screen time and establishing device-free moments such as mealtimes or family activities. Removing phones before bedtime, using grayscale settings in the evening and replacing some screen time with hobbies or shared experiences can also reduce overuse. Built-in tools such as Apple Screen Time, Android Digital Wellbeing and similar systems can help families monitor and manage usage when used transparently and collaboratively.
Online Gaming: Always On, Always Engaging
Gaming has undergone a similar transformation. What was once a hobby enjoyed at home has become an always-accessible, online experience. Many games now operate on a freemium or pay-to-play model, offering free access while encouraging in-game spending.
Game design often uses the same psychological mechanisms seen in social media. Variable rewards, progression systems and in-game purchases keep players engaged, even when enjoyment declines. This is reinforced by the sunk cost fallacy, where time or money already invested makes it harder to stop playing.
Features such as loot boxes mimic gambling mechanics, raising concerns about early exposure to risk-based reward systems. Personalisation through skins and avatars increases emotional investment, while online interactions can create opportunities for grooming if trust is built too quickly with strangers.
Recognising the Benefits of Gaming
Despite these risks, gaming is not inherently harmful. Research shows potential benefits across cognitive, social and emotional domains. Gaming can improve memory, spatial awareness and problem-solving skills. Online play can reduce loneliness by offering a sense of belonging, teamwork and shared identity. For some players, gaming provides stress relief through focused engagement and mastery of challenges. There is also evidence that gaming supports skills linked to STEM learning.
Supporting a Balanced Relationship with Gaming
A balanced approach focuses on communication rather than restriction alone. Open-ended questions encourage reflection: why a game is enjoyable, whether it is still fun and how it makes a child feel. Clear expectations, flexibility around time limits and avoiding stored payment methods can reduce conflict and financial risk.
Social media and online gaming are a permanent part of modern childhood. By understanding how these platforms function and maintaining open, informed conversations, families can help children develop healthier, more intentional relationships with the digital world, not by avoiding it, but by navigating it wisely.
Remember that whilst children are more susceptible to the psychological tricks and strategies employed by social media and games platforms, we can all be affected by what we engage with online. Often, when talking to our children about the topics in this blog, it helps to use “we and us” rather than “you”.
We can empathise with how children may feel about having their devices taken away from them at bedtime: “I know that if I were your age with a smartphone, I would likely be up scrolling and playing games for hours.”
The most important thing is to keep open and honest communication between ourselves and our children.