The teenage years are a rollercoaster - a time of immense change, self-discovery, and emotional intensity. Parents, meanwhile, walk a tightrope - balancing the need to guide our children with the desire to give them space to explore who they are.
The good news? Our presence matters more than ever. The key to navigating this journey lies in building a strong foundation of communication.
Opening the Lines of Communication
In this critical phase, open and honest communication is essential. Here are some tips for building a strong foundation for parent-teen communication:
- Active Listening: Put down your phone, make eye contact, and truly hear what your teen is saying.
- Respectful Dialogue: Encourage two-way conversations and focus on understanding their perspective.
- Empathy - ‘Walking in Their Shoes’: Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences. ("Ouch, that sounds tough" or "That must be frustrating").
Resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Listen and let them process their emotions. Share your own experiences, but avoid making it about you. Be patient and respect your teen's need for privacy.
Remember the power of your words and body language:
- "I" statements: Focus on your own feelings instead of blaming your teen. ("I feel frustrated when..." instead of "You always...")
- Slow Down, Say Less: Give your teen space to respond and try to listen more than you speak.
- Body Language: Maintain eye contact, use open gestures, and have a relaxed posture.
- Manage Your Reactions: Take a deep breath before responding.
By prioritising open and honest communication, we create a safe space for connection, even during challenging times. Remember, communication is a two-way street. Here are some questions for parents to consider for themselves:
- What am I feeling? Understanding your own emotions can help you respond calmly and effectively.
- Am I interfering? Sometimes, the best support is letting your teen learn from their experiences.
- When am I parenting at my best? Identify the moments when you feel most connected and try to replicate those situations.
Shifting Gears: From Manager to Coach
As your teen grows, your role changes too. Move away from micromanagement and embrace a more collaborative approach. Offer support and guidance, but also allow them more autonomy.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Clear expectations are crucial, but it's important to be realistic. Discuss your expectations with your teen and find common ground. Here’s how to adjust your approach:
- Encourage Agency: Give them more autonomy and responsibility.
- Become a Supportive Collaborator: Work together to solve problems and make decisions.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Discuss and agree on expectations for behaviour, chores, and communication.
Building a Strong Foundation
Beyond communication, there are other ways to nurture a strong parent-teen relationship:
- Create a Routine of Availability: Schedule regular one-on-one time for connection.
- Respect Boundaries and Privacy: Allow them their space while still being present when they need you.
- Establish Routines and Rituals: Shared activities create a sense of belonging and connection.
- Engage with their World: Take an interest in their hobbies and activities. Learn about the technology they engage with.
- Be Present and Allow Autonomy: Prioritise quality time over quantity.
- The Power of Repair: Focus on reconciliation after disagreements, not punishment. Prioritise rebuilding connections over assigning blame. Strike When the Iron is Cold! Don't try to have a serious conversation when emotions are high. Wait until everyone has calmed down.
- Promote Accountability: Help your teen understand the impact of their actions.
- Your positive expectations can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Teens are still developing, so be patient and understanding.
- Your relationship with your teen is a journey, not a destination.
Teens are like seeds; they have incredible potential within them. Our job is to provide the right environment - one filled with love, support, and open communication - to help them blossom into the amazing adults they're meant to be.
“Adolescents who are absorbing negative messages about who they are and what is expected of them may sink to that level instead of realising their true potential. As Johann Wolfgang wrote, treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” ~ Dan Siegel
Prakash Ravindran, a clinical psychologist with extensive experience working with teens, is our school’s Wellbeing and Flourishing Lead. In a recent workshop, he provided strategies for navigating adolescence. The session aimed to foster strong parent-teen relationships. He offered practical communication tips and strategies to help navigate the teenage years and build a strong and lasting relationship with your teen through this crucial developmental stage.
Get in touch with Prakash by email pravindran.ws@alice-smith.edu.my